Happy Birthday, America!

Hope everyone’s 4th of July is a beer-drinking/meat-grilling/fireworks-blasting hell of a good time!

Recruiting News and Scheduling

In case you were without internet yesterday, a couple more 2009 recruits hopped on the Blue&White Bandwagon: O-lineman Adam Gress and running back Curtis Dukes.

Additionally, a few more TV times were announced: Oregon State will be a 3:30 ET kickoff on ABC while the most-hyped season opener in decades against Coastal Carolina and the Sept. 20 Temple game will both be Noon kickoffs on the Big Ten Network.

So as it stands right now, here is the what the current TV schedule looks like:

08/30 Coastal Carolina (noon) Big Ten Network
09/06 Oregon State (3:30pm) ABC
09/13 at Syracuse (3:30pm) ABC
09/20 Temple (noon) Big Ten Network
09/27 Illinois (8pm) ABC/ESPN/ESPN2
10/04 at Purdue (n/a) n/a
10/11 at Wisconsin (8pm) ESPN/ESPN2
10/18 Michigan (4:30pm) ESPN/ESPN2
10/25 at Ohio State (8pm) ABC/ESPN/ESPN2
11/08 at Iowa (n/a) n/a
11/15 Indiana (n/a) n/a
11/22 Michigan State (n/a) n/a

As you can see, only 4 games remain unsettled with regards to TV time/network. The BTN is required to show a game featuring each team at least once so either Purdue, Iowa, Indiana, or Michigan State will be a BTN game.

My money would be on either Iowa or Indiana (or perhaps, both) being the BTN game, especially because it’s more likely that come November our chances of winning the Big Ten will have already been eliminated thanks to the October road gauntlet and neither Iowa or IU will do anything special if the pre-season magazines are correct in their prognostications. The Michigan State game will likely end up on ABC/ESPN due to the fact that it could be JoePa’s final game as head coach.

Speaking of which, JoePa’s potentially unofficial “Farewell Tour” is likely playing a big role in the fact we already have the majority of our TV times settled. Normally, the majority of our Big Ten games’ start times aren’t even settled upon until 2-3 weeks leading up to the game but already we have half of our games figured out. It sure is amazing what one little contract dispute can lead to…

Going Pro Early…In Volleyball?

Well, it appears that foregoing your remaining years of collegiate sporting eligibility for the money, luxury car, and that “MTV Cribs”-like mansion is no longer limited to just football and basketball players as Matt Anderson, a 6′10″ giant who played a crtical role this past year on PSU’s men’s volleyball national title run, is ditching his senior season to play professionally in Korea.

Apparently, Matt’s already kind of a big deal over there according to what he’s told the Collegian:

“We were treated like royalty there, like rock stars,” Anderson said. “They had great accommodations, they set out a kitchen and cooked for us.”

Despite his David Beckham-like status however, Matt will still be hard-pressed to make volleyball as popular as Korea’s favorite past-time: Starcraft.

Best of luck, Matt… ^_^ keke

July: The Proverbial Dead Month In Sports

Here we are now, at the beginning of July. Unless you’re a big fan of baseball (which I’m not, though I am feverishly fighting to get my fantasy team in the playoffs), this is arguably the worst time of the year for you as a sports fan: No football, no basketball, no major golf tournaments, even European football is on hiatus at this time.

August is sure something to look forward to though: Serious football talk will fire back up and some tear-jerking Olympic stories will unfold before our eyes in Beijing (and perhaps a certain national basketball team will put an end to an embarrassingly long gold medal drought).

So what are we left with to distract us until then? Mid-season baseball, U.S. Olympic qualifying events, a July 4th hot-dog eating contest (quite amusing, actually) and my favorite…Recycled JoePa rumors that I considered writing about but ultimately was too lazy and unmotivated to do so.

Bottom line: I’ll likely be “coasting” this month with regards to relevant blogging starting…right about…NOW.

Take it away, Urkel!

Seymour Hersh To The Rescue…

Not sure what to make of this news suggesting the U.S. is launching covert operations in Iran, but if it’s true, it sure as hell is scary considering the fact our military is already spread thin enough as it is in Afghanistan and Iraq.

Maybe it won’t matter though, since Earth may get sucked into a black hole before the Bush Administration gets to leave its final indelible mark.

Your Moment Of Zen

You know, all of this past week’s criticism of Jay Paterno blogging about Barack Obama when he should be busy implementing his “Spread HD” offense got me thinking of another disaster that plagued the Democratic party 20 years ago.

I’m talking of course, about Michael Dukakis’ infamous “tank pose” photo in response to criticism from Bush Sr. that he was “too soft on defense.” Such a stunt (along with allowing some murderer named Willie Horton free weekend passes out of prison and responding “No” in a very non-chalant fashion when asked during a CNN debate whether he would support the death penalty if somebody were to rape and kill his wife) resulted in a total backfire and Dukakis was eaten up like PSU’s secondary in the latter half of last season come election night, 1988.

They say that “history repeats itself.” Well, for cripe’s sake, I sure hope that repetitive moment won’t be arriving anytime soon…

YES…WE…CAN!!!

Big Ten Bloggers “Fearless Forecasts”

So I was recently welcomed into the secret society of the “Big Ten Bloggers.” However, it did come at a rather costly price as I was put through a brutal hazing process that included attending a lemon party.

No matter though, I’ve been initiated and thanks to fellow Northwestern blogger Lake The Posts, I was recently asked to play Nostradamus along with the rest of the Big Ten bloggers regarding the upcoming football season.

Below, are my answers to the following questions: If you want to know the consensus picks amongst the rest of the Big Ten blogging community, LTP has them for you right here

> *Coach of the Year: Tim Brewster, Minnesota. This should especially be the case if the Gophers miraculously go from 1-11 last year to making a bowl game.

> *Most Likely To Strike Heisman Pose: Beanie Wells, OSU. Last year was his breakout season and this year he’s back for what’s likely his final go-round before the NFL; look for him to establish himself as one of the Heisman frontrunners from opening weekend.

> *Last Year’s Illini Will Be This Year’s ???? (most improved): Minnesota. Phil Steele made a good point in his most recent college football preview magazine, the Gophers were a missed FG by Miami (OH) away from a winless season last year. In my humble opinion, that’s about low as it can get for Tim Brewster’s crew, he’s got 15 starters back (including 8 on offense) and had one hell of a recruiting season, just like Ron Zook did a couple years ago after a very dismal first year at Illinois.

Look for Minny to be like Illinois was a couple years ago, they’ll be a pesky bunch of Caddyshack Gophers that will make some of the more talented teams look like Carl Spackler (i.e. give stronger teams a run for their money, before coming up just short). I see them doing as well as 6-6 and being bowl eligible.

Don’t be taking those Gophers lightly this year…

> *Upset game of the year (include non-conference): Michigan State over Cal - I was impressed with head coach Mark Dantonio’s ability to squeeze out 7 wins and go bowling with a team that looked like it was still a year or two away from doing so. The dude is a throwback to Big Ten coaches of old, emphasizing a bruising “three yards and a cloud of dust” run-oriented offense along with “good ol’ fashioned defense” that has long been the Big Ten’s staple. In this day and age where spread offenses and gimmick defenses seem to rule, people like Dantonio are a breath of fresh air to those who favor traditional smashmouth football.

It’s safe to say that given last year’s miraculous bowl berth for Sparty, Dantonio is the “MacGyver” of the current Big Ten coaching fraternity. Look for him to unleash his nuclear bomb made out of a pen, a paper clip, and a piece of chewing gum when the Spartans shock the “Godless Killer” Bears in Berkeley come August 30th…You read it here first.

What Mark Dantonio watches during his “film sessions”

> *Name You’ll Know In December That No One Knows In June: WARNING: HOMER PICK AHEAD - Stephfon Green, RB PSU. He made for quality message board fodder last year when during practice he broke a 60-yard TD run after taking a routine pitch, pressing the “spin button” and dashing all the way to the end zone. He only helped to crank up the secret hype machine this past spring when he exploded for a 67-yard TD run on his first carry of the Blue-White game. If he can play that well against legitimate opponents, no doubt the rest of the Big Ten will know his name come November.

> *Most Likely To John McLaren (aka lose it in postgame rant): Rich Rodriguez, after he gets asked for the 50th time in 2 hours what it feels like to have snapped Michigan’s gi-normous win streak against PSU in just his first year as head coach…I hope there’s nothing highly flammable in the press conference room when that happens.

> *Highest NFL Draft Pick in 2009: * Really, it’s difficult to say, it all depends on what the needs are for the teams that bomb in the NFL this upcoming year. If it’s tailbacks they’re looking for then Beanie Wells is it. Otherwise, I’m thinking either fellow Buckeye teammate James Laurinaitis or PSU’s Maurice (Mo) Evans.

> *The Must See Game of the Year that is not Ohio State - Michigan: Illinois-Penn State On paper, this is the most compelling matchup: It’s a Big Ten opener, an 8 PM kickoff on ABC/ESPN, not to mention that the last couple of games have been absolute nail-biters in this series. PSU will be bloodthirsty for revenge after last year’s debacle in Champaign while the Illini will be trying to show that last year was no fluke and that they can beat PSU more than once in a blue moon.

The “Dare To Dream” Team

The U.S. Olympic Basketball roster was recently announced, and already the debate has begun over whether this year’s squad can end the gold medal drought that has lingered on since the 2000 Olympics due to some questionable roster selections.

“You know, if I squint my eyes hard enough, you kinda start resembling J.J. Redick…”

Here’s a list of the announced roster:

Guards

Chris Paul, Kobe Bryant, Michael Redd, Deron Williams, Dwayne Wade, Jason Kidd

Forwards/Centers

Carlos Boozer, Chris Bosh, Tayshaun Prince, Dwight Howard, LeBron James, Carmelo Anthony

The biggest concern that sportswriters seem to have is that we’re going too small and relying too much on athleticism and will have trouble defending the pick-n-roll against bigger teams (see: Loss to Greece in semi-finals of 2006 FIBA World Championships) and in turn, will also get into early foul trouble (FIBA’s fouling out is the same as college, 5 fouls as opposed to the NBA’s 6-foul rule)…Where else did we see this before? Oh yeah, those past few years where Duke failed to get beyond the Sweet 16 of the NCAA tournament!

My biggest gripe is actually with regards to the Jason Kidd selection. Sure, he’s fundamentally sound but he’s just a little too old and slow and appears to be past his prime. We may have been better off taking Paul Pierce, I dunno why he’s been black-listed as a result of the 2002 FIBA World Championships debacle (where the U.S. placed sixth and the wall of invincibility finally crumbled to the ground). Pierce would also give us another pure shooter whom can be counted upon to knock down a few perimeter shots when needed because as of now, Michael Redd and Kobe Bryant are the only two who seem to provide such firepower.

Either way though, my eyes will be glued to the TV set come August 10th when Coach K’s “Duke National Team” makes its debut against China…Which reminds me, what the hell was the IOC thinking not putting Iran in our group? Everybody knows that nothing makes for better TV ratings than a matchup between two nations with political tensions against each other.

RIP, George Carlin

The grim reaper has snatched two of my favorite persons on the planet in just the past week alone: First Tim Russert, and now George Carlin.

In honor of a great, revolutionary, comedian, here’s a famous bit of Carlin’s in which he downsizes the “Ten Commandments.”

And also, the infamous “Seven Words You Can’t Say On Television” bit which ended up in Carlin becoming the focus of the U.S. Supreme Court

JayPa Shoots His Eye Out (Again)

As I mentioned in a recent post, Jay Paterno decided that sabotaging PSU football wasn’t enough and thus has started up a blog on Barack Obama’s website.

Well, it seems like the Jay-bashers have gotten a whiff of the stench emanating from the nether-regions of “YES WE CAN-ville” and have left him quite a few words of wisdom in the “Comments” section of one his more recent blog posts.

Because there’s so many comments (43 as of the time of this writing) and they’re all so goddamned hilarious to the point where Yours Truly was practically in tears, I’ll leave you with just a tasty sample of what you can expect:

Here’s a post from a rather pissed-off Galen Hall. How pissed off was he? More pissed off than the time Jay left a burning bag of dog poop on his front doorstep.

By Galen from State College, PA Jun 20th 2008 at 1:58 pm EDT

Jay,What are you doing responding on a stupid blog at 10:02 am???

We were scheduled to go over some offensive schemes at 9:45.

I swear, you are lucky you have blood-ties to Coach Paterno, you snivelling little buffoon. I don’t know why I bother even showing up for meetings with you anymore. All you do is stare at the TV screen playing some nonsense football video game, yammering about “one more touchdown and I get the high score.”

Kid, I have no idea what this program is in for when your father retires, but I pray it has NOTHING in the cards with your hand in it. Next thing you know, you’ll be making the team practice in tie-dyes and sing Koombayah before you have a “teambuilding” activity like a flag-burning.

Asking a recruit if he’s registered to vote and if he is a Democrat or Republican is NOT an effective recruiting tool either, you snot.

My blood pressure is rising, time for my afternoon nap.

Jay even did a little sparring with a fellow poster who suggested he spend more time improving a disgustingly mediocre offense instead of blogging about Obama.

By Joe Eb from York, PA Jun 20th 2008 at 9:52 am EDT
And Jay you should be worrying about the offense of a college football team that has a LOT of questions, not blogging about Obama.

By Jay Paterno Jun 20th 2008 at 10:02 am EDT
For your information our offense was #1 in the Big Ten last year in the only two categories that we really look at: the key situations of Red Zone and Third Downs (and to a lesser extent 4th downs where we ranked #7 in the nation).

…And to a lesser extent, #8 in the Big Ten in Passing Offense (You are a fucking QB COACH after all, Jay), #5 in Rushing Offense, #7 in Total Offense, #8 in Pass Efficiency, and #1 in Penalties.

Ah, who the hell am I kidding? Such stats are meaningless when you’re desperately trying to establish yourself as more than just a “Daddy’s Boy” who’s as qualified to coach QBs as I am to fly an F-16.

RESPECT MY AUTHORI-TAH!!!!

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